In the middle of the night, I go walking in my sleep...Billy Joel

I don’t eat in the middle of the night. Maybe some of you do. It isn’t just that I don’t, but I can’t.

This is on my mind this morning because after getting good sleep two nights in a row, I bombed out again last night. I got up to take something for my baffling headache, which is a significant undertaking for me. Um, the taking something is the significant part.

I’m also reluctant to get out of bed in the middle of the night. I figure if I just stay put I will at least get rest and not inflict bright light on my eyes. Also, I hate taking medicine of any kind. I can take five pills at once, it isn’t the taking part, it’s the medicine part.

So there I was last night at 0130 wandering around the house turning lights on and off, opening child safety lids and running water. Just drinking water in the middle of the night is gag-worthy. How do people eat in the middle of the night? Completely foreign concept for me.

I got back in bed and turned on the nightstand lamp. I read until I got groggy. Then at 0430, I woke again to the sound of retching.

You cat humans know what I’m saying.

I don’t feel so great this morning. The headache is still present, making it almost a full 24 hours of objectionable mindnumbery and my stomach still hurts, making it almost a full four days of distasteful upsetstomachry.

Do you eat in the middle of the night? Why? How? I don’t understand and my stomachache is making the very idea of it more disgusting than usual to me.

If ya’ll aren’t careful here, I’m going to start whining at any moment.

There has been no further progress on the stick with ribbon at the property line. I’m so tempted to put ribbons on the fence post.

I've turned off the television set for good in the morning. No news is good news.

I forgot to tell you that we learned that all cows are born with horns. They are dehorned for the safety of the herd. We also learned that heifers and cows are the same thing except that a heifer becomes a cow once she has her first calf. Cows can’t go back and be heifers again. That ship sails once a lifetime, gals. And speaking of ships that only sail once, on the ISU farm all the cows are artificially inseminated and the boy babies are sold right away. Sorry to leave out such important factuals about the trip to the farm. You’ll feel better knowing now.

I made lunch on Monday for 32 people, mostly kids. They cleared it out. Three pounds of macaroni, uncooked. I didn’t weigh it once it was cooked, but I’m sure there’s a formula somewhere for that. The kids loved it. They were also hungry. Hunger makes the best sauce, so maybe I’m not a recipe genius.

YUM

I feel fortunate to have strung together a couple sentences and have some of them make sense. I'm going to arrange myself in a lifelike position at my desk now and hope the day passes quickly.