Translation, please

I am sitting at my desk wondering if someone in the group of people in the break room right outside my door are going to shout, “Who made this coffee? It’s crap!”

But they are talking about something else. Maybe they haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t know what I’m doing because I rarely make coffee in the office, but I took the last of the coffee a few minutes ago and so I felt it necessary and polite to make more.

Normally, I am the one walking away from the coffee pot mumbling about how strong it is. I don’t mind strong. I like coffee. But most of the time the coffee in the office tastes like I imagine very hot furniture polish tastes.

There’s a line in a Cary Grant movie about coffee. He serves a cup of strong coffee and jokes that to make extra money, they let it cool, bottle it and serve it as furniture polish.

I love Cary Grant movies.

Back to the coffee! It’s a machine that makes the coffee and dispenses directly into a huge vacuum carafe. The measuring scoop inside the can of Folgers is 1-cup! That’s just a lot of coffee. I get weak-kneed pouring a heaping cup of coffee into the filter/basket.

I didn’t feel much like drinking coffee earlier this morning because I hauled my carcass out of bed and went for a 3-mile run. I ran the whole way because I have to go to work every morning and who can dilly-dally? I have yet to figure out how to earn money some other (legal) way.

I got a new running watch for my birthday. It was delivered on Saturday when I wasn’t home, so last night I read the directions. I’m pretty happy because it times your splits and it sets intervals. I’m sure the Garmin does, too. But I’ve only had the Garmin for what, a year?

I can’t be rushed.

I have no skill whatsoever for reading something and then doing what I’ve read. I can cook and bake from recipes, but I screw them up sometimes. The translation into action gets me every time.

I can read, thank goodness. I can read stuff like “press NEXT and + / - to select STOP AT END or REPEAT AT END” but once I actually press NEXT, my brain goes blank. To be honest, in that sentence, I really stop reading after the word ‘select’ after letting my eyes bounce over the + / - part. I tested myself and have read it three times now.

I will conquer this watch.

When I was learning how to golf, which is not something I enjoy very much, I could be told to lean forward from the hips aligning your spine from the hip at a 20-degree angle. No comprehension until another woman told me to lean over so that I could swing the club without letting my arms touch the girls.

Then I knew what to do. Mystery revealed. Those sorts of instructions for various postures and swings were the only reason I learned how to play golf at all.

So while you weren’t looking, I grabbed my watch and the directions and you will never believe it, but I set the time, the date and the two intervals I need. I haven’t conquered it yet, but I’ve certainly stood it in the corner to make it behave.

Will wonders never cease?