Dear Credit Union, How many letters will I get before you figure it out?

I love my credit union. I've been with them for ages and we're a good team.

I got a letter from them offering me overdraft! protection! plus! Apparently I can get automatic overdraft protection on my debit/credit card, just like paper checks.

Wow. We have to identify checks as paper checks. I feel old?

The P.S. on the letter reads, "Think of overdraft protection plus as your "insurance policy" for being able to access funds in an emergency."

What sort of emergency requires me to withdraw huge amounts of money from all of my accounts - checking, savings and money market in this case - in such a hurry that I cannot even make one single phone call to the credit union first to transfer funds?

I'll tell you what kind of emergency. When someone has a gun in my ribs and is making me withdraw every.single.penny I have deposited at said credit union.

Am I the only one who sees the mistake in this? For years credit card companies have been telling me I need to have high credit limits in case of an emergency. The only person who is having a $14,000 emergency is the person who has stolen my wallet.

On the page included within upon which I place my signature because I won't get this fabulous benefit unless I ask for it, I am told that this option links my checking account to my savings account or even a line of credit so that funds are automatically transferred to cover the overdraft.

Automatic, eh? So no one will ask me why I'm buying a ticket to Rio and a little condo on the side? Fabulous. Sign me up.

And then there's fear-based marketing. The first paragraph tells me that by signing up, I "can avoid the embarrassment of a declined card and ensure that critical purchases are made even when funds are not immediately available."

Honestly, the last critical purchase I made with my debit card involved a package of Oreos. I'm serious. It was a matter of life and death.

Besides, I was 20 once. I've suffered through the embarrassment of having a declined card. I lived through it. Whoops! If it happens these days, which I guess it hasn't, but I'm a lucky one in this economy, I would still shrug it off. Math mistake? You betcha. Forget to register debits for the last 5 weeks? Been there. Always assume there's more in there than there really is? Guilty.

I want them to decline my card! If I don't have the money in the bank I then 1. won't spend it and 2. know it is time to sit down and come to grips with my checkbook register.

On the other hand, I got an email from Betty Crocker this morning. I get their newsletter, so you know, I signed up for it and all that technical stuff. So when I click on the one recipe I've wanted to look at in the last 18 months, I was told that to see the recipe, I had to log in.

I couldn't. Who remembers the password after that long? I went through the regular passwords I use for things like recipes. None of them work. You hear what I'm saying? Recipes. They're recipes. They are not state secrets, classified documents, instructions for making doggy wee-wee pads, love potions or the formula for making co-workers be nice to each other.

I had to send myself an email to get another password. The email told me that if I hadn't requested to reset my password, I could simply delete the email and "don't worry; your account is secure."

So you may (please, go ahead) pull every dime out of my bank account, but you absolutely may not (how could you even ask) view my recipe for black bean and corn enchiladas.

So there.

Don't get all puffed up

Before any of you start with the knowing nods, sitting up straighter and pointing with pride at your computer saying, "I know her. She set that watch herself and there is nothing she can't do!" let's have a reality check.

I went for a walk last night with my watch. I got it set up to do the intervals, but it looked like it wanted to stop after 9 repeats. It kept asking me something, but I don't know what it wanted. Stupid watch.

I finally got the 'chrono' to start counting my time after I had walked almost a mile. Coming into the driveway, I couldn't figure out how to make it stop. I had to come in the house and look at the directions.

That's me walking or running down the street with a snazzy light purple watch on my arm and directions in my hand not watching where I'm going.

Question Mark kitty was in the driveway Sunday evening. I took a photo and fed him.

Look carefully at his front paw and you can see that he is carrying it. Something didn't heal properly. I watched him wander around. He's a boy. I always figured so since he hasn't ever been pregnant, but I know for sure now. I would love to trap him and get the paw checked out and take care of business on the other end. He's awfully wily and as much as the neighbors feed him, I don't know if he would be lured into the trap by food.

Translation, please

I am sitting at my desk wondering if someone in the group of people in the break room right outside my door are going to shout, “Who made this coffee? It’s crap!”

But they are talking about something else. Maybe they haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t know what I’m doing because I rarely make coffee in the office, but I took the last of the coffee a few minutes ago and so I felt it necessary and polite to make more.

Normally, I am the one walking away from the coffee pot mumbling about how strong it is. I don’t mind strong. I like coffee. But most of the time the coffee in the office tastes like I imagine very hot furniture polish tastes.

There’s a line in a Cary Grant movie about coffee. He serves a cup of strong coffee and jokes that to make extra money, they let it cool, bottle it and serve it as furniture polish.

I love Cary Grant movies.

Back to the coffee! It’s a machine that makes the coffee and dispenses directly into a huge vacuum carafe. The measuring scoop inside the can of Folgers is 1-cup! That’s just a lot of coffee. I get weak-kneed pouring a heaping cup of coffee into the filter/basket.

I didn’t feel much like drinking coffee earlier this morning because I hauled my carcass out of bed and went for a 3-mile run. I ran the whole way because I have to go to work every morning and who can dilly-dally? I have yet to figure out how to earn money some other (legal) way.

I got a new running watch for my birthday. It was delivered on Saturday when I wasn’t home, so last night I read the directions. I’m pretty happy because it times your splits and it sets intervals. I’m sure the Garmin does, too. But I’ve only had the Garmin for what, a year?

I can’t be rushed.

I have no skill whatsoever for reading something and then doing what I’ve read. I can cook and bake from recipes, but I screw them up sometimes. The translation into action gets me every time.

I can read, thank goodness. I can read stuff like “press NEXT and + / - to select STOP AT END or REPEAT AT END” but once I actually press NEXT, my brain goes blank. To be honest, in that sentence, I really stop reading after the word ‘select’ after letting my eyes bounce over the + / - part. I tested myself and have read it three times now.

I will conquer this watch.

When I was learning how to golf, which is not something I enjoy very much, I could be told to lean forward from the hips aligning your spine from the hip at a 20-degree angle. No comprehension until another woman told me to lean over so that I could swing the club without letting my arms touch the girls.

Then I knew what to do. Mystery revealed. Those sorts of instructions for various postures and swings were the only reason I learned how to play golf at all.

So while you weren’t looking, I grabbed my watch and the directions and you will never believe it, but I set the time, the date and the two intervals I need. I haven’t conquered it yet, but I’ve certainly stood it in the corner to make it behave.

Will wonders never cease?

Another photo

Here's one not taken on my cell phone. The red you see is natural. I didn't add that, it comes out at times. I just used brown. Who hearts herself? Is it me?

Even when I wear it wavy, it's a huge bushy wig o'hair.

IRL friend Pippa sent me an email to say she likes it, which is huge since she is the #1 fan of me not coloring my hair.

My hair

OK, I won't tell you what I think of either the photo or the hair. Just notice that the gray is gone. I have three votes for and two votes against. The against votes I think are mostly against coloring my hair, not against the actual color.

I found my Garmin and other pointless information

I found my Garmin! I haven't done anything to my hair in a long time, but Sunday night I pulled out the bin where I keep all my hair stuff I never use anymore.

I grabbed my hair dryer from the bin and I noticed the band of my Garmin! I was overjoyed. I ran with it and was happily obsessed from the first step. For my birthday, I also got a simple Timex running watch. Woo hoo!

I don't really have much of interest to say right now, but I have complained so much about my Garmin, I thought I would let you know.
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For two weeks now I have had the strange sensation of water running down the back of my left leg when I got done running. I thought it was odd, but at first thought it was sweat. Then I thought it was water since I pour water down my shirt at times. But now it has happened enough that I realize it is in one spot just above the back of my knee, it isn't a running down sensation. This morning it's been constant.

My hip is inflamed from my mileage, so I need to get some ice on it. I'll do that soon. It feels better when I move around, but at night it hurts enough to keep me from being comfortable.
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I have sheets and pillowcases on the line right now. Isn't that the best?
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I colored my hair this morning.

I know.

My stepdaughter is getting married in a month and I thought that maybe for the photos, I could try to get rid of the gray. I used non-permanent color, so it is supposed to wash out. It better wash out. I'll be ticked if it doesn't wash out properly. My hair never takes color seriously, so it should be fine. Anyway, I did it now in order to see if it looks ok. I'll do it again if it does. I'll post a photo and all of my two faithful readers can vote.

Just kidding! I know I have more readers who don't leave comments. You can vote, too.

Let the festivities begin!

Everyone wants in on this action early, so we celebrated with cake and ice cream tonight. My birthday isn't until tomorrow. Am sure a two-day birthday is perfect for me. Am sure I got whipped cream frosting because I complain about sugary frosting so often. It was wonderful and my niece put the candles on the cake.
Do yourself a favor and don't click on the photo. I ran 3 miles this morning and then spent the afternoon in the pool with five kids. Give a girl a break. At least I put on mascara since I knew the camera was out.

I am

I used to be
At least I'm not yet

Am I not the most clever girl you've ever met? You're welcome.

I thought about taking photos of actual records that belong to me. I would have to dig for a 45 and I believe the only one I still own is a song by a band called Trio. The song is Da Da Da and the lyric I will never be able to get out of my head is Ich lieb dich nicht, du liebst mich nicht.

I have a decent collection of LPs, so I don't know which I would have chosen to represent my birthday. Probably one of the Monkees would be fun, but I just have cassette tapes.

I have a lot of 78s and would have just grabbed one at random. Maybe Louis Armstrong or Dean Martin.

That's all I have to say now. I will try to be exciting tomorrow when I turn old.