How many times do I have to tell you?

On Monday, I parked my car in front of the military recruiting center. I rarely park it there when I stop here, but there was a man on a ladder in my customary spots. I'm flexible, so I slide the car into the new spot and look into the recruiting center.

I've always wanted to go in there and beg them all for military branch t-shirts. Army, Air Force, Coast Guard...

But I don't because I feel sure they will think I am too poor to buy my own t-shirts or ... something. I don't know, I just don't, OK? Why is it that I see millions of people with the grey t-shirt that says ARMY on it and I don't have one? Is it a conspiracy? Do they not love me? Am I the only person who actually covets that t-shirt? I don't even know where to find one.

I was at a Rembrance Run last month, you may recall. Many of the runners from the National Guard/Reserves were in the coveted t-shirt. At the end of the run, while I cooled my heels waiting to win three door prizes (!) I had a moment of plotting how I was going to get one of the men to take off his sweaty, disgusting t-shirt and give it to me. In the end, I decided no man in his 40s was going to take off his shirt for me (also in my 40s) and that was a little depressing along with the fact that ... gross.

Back to my story (but thanks for listening). I parked next to a dark blue Malibu. Do you see where this story is heading?

Oh sorry. You might not unless you know in real life the color and make of my car. Keep reading.
(shh it's a blue Toyota Camry)

I come back from my shopping business and I actually have these thoughts in real time - these are actual thoughts, not 'in retrospect' thoughts. Because obviously I talk to myself all the time.

As I approach the cars:
That is a very dark shade of blue.

As I put my hand on the door handle:
Hmmm, my door didn't unlock when I grabbed the handle.

When I opened the door to the car:
Where did my floor mat go? Did someone steal it?

As I SAT DOWN in the car:
What's that new car smell?

I looked at the passenger seat and there was stuff there that my brain couldn't identify. Then I said outloud, "Holy Hannah! This isn't my car!" and I jumped out of the car as fast as you've never seen me move in a vertical direction. I felt like I had broken the law!

The dead giveaway? Was it the wrong shade of blue? Was it the slightly different exterior shape of the car? Was it the new car smell? The well-known fact that the floor mat thieves are thick this time of year?

The dead giveaway was the floor mat. I don't go anywhere without my floor mats. That's crazy talk.

Have fun today!

What a cool morning will do for you

All heck broke loose this morning in the feline world around 0330 and I only dozed in and out for a long while before falling back to sleep. Mostly I pretended to be asleep so I wouldn't have to get up to fix all the things that had gone wrong.

Don't tell anybody I said that.

It got down to 48 degrees last night, so in the cool air I slept a bit longer than usual and although I know better than to do this, I keep telling myself that I still have plenty of time and cool air to get that run in this morning.

That was an awful sentence. Any grammar police out there want to tell me just how bad it is?

But waking up to a cool house and breezy sunshine is such a novelty these days, I have allowed myself time to putter around the house. I even sorted through the kids' toys and have a few to take to Goodwill. Today we're going to Omaha to celebrate a first birthday and that means a nice day spent in the car, so I should get myself going and get that run in now before I blow it.

See how I mentioned the run twice? Did you notice how I made sorting toys sound like an accomplishment? It's just that sort of morning with coffee and Saturday outdoor noises and birds on the feeders - oh look! A blue jay has shown up!

Have a great day!

Hot summer afternoon followed by hot, sticky sunset

Visit Michelle at the friendly Nature Notes Thursday to learn something fascinating.

Summer seems to be winding down in some areas. I read Carver's blog and I'm amazed that she is seeing signs of autumn. Not around here or at least not so I have noticed. I'm outside all day and I watch my garden and yard. But I see hot, humid summer everywhere. Last winter we had so much snow (maybe you remember me whining speaking of it?)

This photo was taken on a farm near Del Rapids, South Dakota on a hot Midwestern afternoon. I like how this photo could very easily say 'pleasant, breezy, sleepy afternoon.'

Below is the same farm at sunset, same day. Do you know what happened when the sun went down? The temperature didn't go down, the mosquitos came out. It's been a hot and wet summer. Now the Old Farmer's Almanac says the plains and upper Midwest will have a snowier than normal winter. More moisture. Excellent.

Regardless of the truth of that day, I like how this photo looks like the peaceful and cool, breezy ending to a day.
If you have never visited the Midwest, please do. Put it on your list. It's a wonderful, wacky place to see.

Dear Credit Union, How many letters will I get before you figure it out?

I love my credit union. I've been with them for ages and we're a good team.

I got a letter from them offering me overdraft! protection! plus! Apparently I can get automatic overdraft protection on my debit/credit card, just like paper checks.

Wow. We have to identify checks as paper checks. I feel old?

The P.S. on the letter reads, "Think of overdraft protection plus as your "insurance policy" for being able to access funds in an emergency."

What sort of emergency requires me to withdraw huge amounts of money from all of my accounts - checking, savings and money market in this case - in such a hurry that I cannot even make one single phone call to the credit union first to transfer funds?

I'll tell you what kind of emergency. When someone has a gun in my ribs and is making me withdraw every.single.penny I have deposited at said credit union.

Am I the only one who sees the mistake in this? For years credit card companies have been telling me I need to have high credit limits in case of an emergency. The only person who is having a $14,000 emergency is the person who has stolen my wallet.

On the page included within upon which I place my signature because I won't get this fabulous benefit unless I ask for it, I am told that this option links my checking account to my savings account or even a line of credit so that funds are automatically transferred to cover the overdraft.

Automatic, eh? So no one will ask me why I'm buying a ticket to Rio and a little condo on the side? Fabulous. Sign me up.

And then there's fear-based marketing. The first paragraph tells me that by signing up, I "can avoid the embarrassment of a declined card and ensure that critical purchases are made even when funds are not immediately available."

Honestly, the last critical purchase I made with my debit card involved a package of Oreos. I'm serious. It was a matter of life and death.

Besides, I was 20 once. I've suffered through the embarrassment of having a declined card. I lived through it. Whoops! If it happens these days, which I guess it hasn't, but I'm a lucky one in this economy, I would still shrug it off. Math mistake? You betcha. Forget to register debits for the last 5 weeks? Been there. Always assume there's more in there than there really is? Guilty.

I want them to decline my card! If I don't have the money in the bank I then 1. won't spend it and 2. know it is time to sit down and come to grips with my checkbook register.

On the other hand, I got an email from Betty Crocker this morning. I get their newsletter, so you know, I signed up for it and all that technical stuff. So when I click on the one recipe I've wanted to look at in the last 18 months, I was told that to see the recipe, I had to log in.

I couldn't. Who remembers the password after that long? I went through the regular passwords I use for things like recipes. None of them work. You hear what I'm saying? Recipes. They're recipes. They are not state secrets, classified documents, instructions for making doggy wee-wee pads, love potions or the formula for making co-workers be nice to each other.

I had to send myself an email to get another password. The email told me that if I hadn't requested to reset my password, I could simply delete the email and "don't worry; your account is secure."

So you may (please, go ahead) pull every dime out of my bank account, but you absolutely may not (how could you even ask) view my recipe for black bean and corn enchiladas.

So there.

Don't get all puffed up

Before any of you start with the knowing nods, sitting up straighter and pointing with pride at your computer saying, "I know her. She set that watch herself and there is nothing she can't do!" let's have a reality check.

I went for a walk last night with my watch. I got it set up to do the intervals, but it looked like it wanted to stop after 9 repeats. It kept asking me something, but I don't know what it wanted. Stupid watch.

I finally got the 'chrono' to start counting my time after I had walked almost a mile. Coming into the driveway, I couldn't figure out how to make it stop. I had to come in the house and look at the directions.

That's me walking or running down the street with a snazzy light purple watch on my arm and directions in my hand not watching where I'm going.

Question Mark kitty was in the driveway Sunday evening. I took a photo and fed him.

Look carefully at his front paw and you can see that he is carrying it. Something didn't heal properly. I watched him wander around. He's a boy. I always figured so since he hasn't ever been pregnant, but I know for sure now. I would love to trap him and get the paw checked out and take care of business on the other end. He's awfully wily and as much as the neighbors feed him, I don't know if he would be lured into the trap by food.

Translation, please

I am sitting at my desk wondering if someone in the group of people in the break room right outside my door are going to shout, “Who made this coffee? It’s crap!”

But they are talking about something else. Maybe they haven’t figured it out yet. I don’t know what I’m doing because I rarely make coffee in the office, but I took the last of the coffee a few minutes ago and so I felt it necessary and polite to make more.

Normally, I am the one walking away from the coffee pot mumbling about how strong it is. I don’t mind strong. I like coffee. But most of the time the coffee in the office tastes like I imagine very hot furniture polish tastes.

There’s a line in a Cary Grant movie about coffee. He serves a cup of strong coffee and jokes that to make extra money, they let it cool, bottle it and serve it as furniture polish.

I love Cary Grant movies.

Back to the coffee! It’s a machine that makes the coffee and dispenses directly into a huge vacuum carafe. The measuring scoop inside the can of Folgers is 1-cup! That’s just a lot of coffee. I get weak-kneed pouring a heaping cup of coffee into the filter/basket.

I didn’t feel much like drinking coffee earlier this morning because I hauled my carcass out of bed and went for a 3-mile run. I ran the whole way because I have to go to work every morning and who can dilly-dally? I have yet to figure out how to earn money some other (legal) way.

I got a new running watch for my birthday. It was delivered on Saturday when I wasn’t home, so last night I read the directions. I’m pretty happy because it times your splits and it sets intervals. I’m sure the Garmin does, too. But I’ve only had the Garmin for what, a year?

I can’t be rushed.

I have no skill whatsoever for reading something and then doing what I’ve read. I can cook and bake from recipes, but I screw them up sometimes. The translation into action gets me every time.

I can read, thank goodness. I can read stuff like “press NEXT and + / - to select STOP AT END or REPEAT AT END” but once I actually press NEXT, my brain goes blank. To be honest, in that sentence, I really stop reading after the word ‘select’ after letting my eyes bounce over the + / - part. I tested myself and have read it three times now.

I will conquer this watch.

When I was learning how to golf, which is not something I enjoy very much, I could be told to lean forward from the hips aligning your spine from the hip at a 20-degree angle. No comprehension until another woman told me to lean over so that I could swing the club without letting my arms touch the girls.

Then I knew what to do. Mystery revealed. Those sorts of instructions for various postures and swings were the only reason I learned how to play golf at all.

So while you weren’t looking, I grabbed my watch and the directions and you will never believe it, but I set the time, the date and the two intervals I need. I haven’t conquered it yet, but I’ve certainly stood it in the corner to make it behave.

Will wonders never cease?

Another photo

Here's one not taken on my cell phone. The red you see is natural. I didn't add that, it comes out at times. I just used brown. Who hearts herself? Is it me?

Even when I wear it wavy, it's a huge bushy wig o'hair.

IRL friend Pippa sent me an email to say she likes it, which is huge since she is the #1 fan of me not coloring my hair.