My brain is mush

I wish I could be witty. I wish I was in the pool this very moment. I wish I was outside walking. I wish I was running errands. I wish I was making a yummy lunch.

But I am in bed being lazy. I have had a cold all week and although I feel mostly OK, I feel mostly drained. It's like a 50/50 split. I feel slightly weepy and am getting misty-eyed at Snapple commercials, but I'm not hacking up a lung or running up the stock at Kleenex either.

I've taken it easy all week and refuse to do so this weekend, so here I am still lazy and not at work. I took the afternoon off. I did work this morning and got some things done. It is unusual for me to have time off to spare this late in the year, but I have it and I had no pressing reason to be at work.

I am reading a blog lately called In Purple I'm Stunning 2.0. The link is over there, to your left, in the sidebar. Now that the holiday shopping season is upon us, you might like to give Howard a read. He works for Walmart and when he talks about his job, it is pretty interesting. His other stuff is also good. He is going to think the only reason I started reading is because of Walmart, but it isn't true.

Yesterday, he did a meme that is on Thursdays and you answer various questions. So I figured I could ask myself fascinating questions and be absolutely riveting in my responses. Feel free to join in.

Q. Your mom wants a small, inexpensive hand mixer for Christmas. In red. What do you do?
A. Spray paint. Red appliances are abnormally expensive, has anyone else noticed this?

Q. Your favorite television show has a British version and an American version. Which do you watch?
A. I used to like the British versions of things, but it's like having friends who are your own age: they know all the culturally relevant things you know from childhood forward. For instance, make the same joke with a Canadian or a person who is 20 years younger than you are. It isn't that they don't get it, but it isn't quite so funny to them. I laugh more with the American. I enjoy British humor, but appreciate the home-grown stuff a bit more.

Oh, here's a story that always makes me smile. I worked for a crappy company and lived in a cube farm. I was surrounded by people and they were all my age. I don't remember the set up for why someone walked up and asked for money, but this person came up to someone and was overheard saying, "I want my two dollars." A moment's silence was followed by four people quiety laughing. We realized we were all laughing, which of course made us all start to guffaw and shout, "I want my two dollars!"

Does ANYONE know why this was funny? It was just a good moment. Take your guess in the comments section.

Q. Someone tells a joke or a story and although it is amusing, it isn't as funny as they think it is. What do you call that?
A. I call that a location joke, which stems from another job I had way back in the 80s. I'll spare you the origin of the phrase, but a location joke: you had to be there. Get it? On location.

Q. Sandra Lee from the Food Network says, "Bam!" Are you amused or irritated?
A. I'm irritated. Why am I watching her show, anyway?

Q. Speaking of British humor, what makes you laugh the most other than (obviously) Monty Python?
A. The Vicar of Dibley is hilarious. I highly recommend it. If you have Netflix, treat yourself.