Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Comedy Gold

I’m in several moods today. For the sake of this post, let’s pick the random, free-floating irritation mood since that is the one that will produce comedy gold if there is any comedy gold to be had.

I’m not making any promises.

1. I remember back in the 70s reading an article in Tiger Beat magazine in which Marie Osmond told the magazine that she keeps her fingernails looking beautiful by never using them. To this day I think of it when I use my nails for things. I can grow exceptionally, obnoxiously, freak-show long fingernails. I do this by ignoring them for the most part. Back when girls like me took typing tests, I could type 90-100 wpm and I typically ended up typing with my fingernails. Because I had to, but I always sort of figured it made them stronger. I did something today with my nails and it once again prompted the memory of me reading the article and thinking clearly of Marie Osmond in shiny lip gloss trying not to pick up straight pins with her nails.

2. Oh, I love to type. People make comments about my typing. Quite a few co-workers have mentioned that they think it is strange that I can turn around to look at them in my office door and continue typing. I thought I was just being rude. They think it is a novelty to be able to type and not look at the keyboard. Thank you, Mr. DeLonge. He threatened to fail us if we looked at the keyboard while typing the upper row of numbers and symbols. It worked.

3. I sort of wish I typed for a living, but two times I have had jobs that had me sitting at a tiny desk attached to someone else’s desk wearing a head set and typing out doctor’s notes. Both jobs were awful. Both jobs were in the mental health field. Here’s hoping I never have to do that again. I am sooo not cut out to hear about other people’s very real problems. People in mental health offices really should get counseling as part of their employment. I mean that. Hats off to anyone who can hear about horrible things and go home at night without tears, a headache, fear or disgust.

4. Do you know what I am good at? Sick cats. I am good at that. It isn’t just my mad skillz for mopping up vomit. One cat went off food a few days ago and we got back to right with pumpkin. Yep. Pumpkin. I know. I amaze myself.

I have sifted through this and I see no comedy, no gold. Oops. HA!


Susan at Stony River said...

You got me. LOL

My husband thinks that my ability to type very fast while looking at him and holding a conversation is some kind of super-power. But no, it was just a really mean and scary high school typing teacher and years of practice ever since ROFL.

Anonymous said...

I can do the same thing, which has always amazed people. Whenever I'm writing a grant or something like that, I will often either stare off into space (w/o looking at the keyboard) or close my eyes and just clack away. It has been known to freak some people out.

Mrs. Hepp would be SO proud. She was the math teacher (who also did typing) who told us that if you added apples and oranges together you would get fruit salad. Heh, heh, heh, Mrs. Hepp.

And cat vomit. Oh, my how well I know that one. You can pick it up easier if you pour salt on it. Works like it does on a dropped egg. I keep telling mine to get out the box of salt anytime they feel like they need to puke and keep it handy for pouring over the mess. I never have had them do that, though. They never listen. They're cats, after all.


Lucy's proud mama down south of you

Anonymous said...

Pumpkin. How did you think of that? Maybe because it resembled cat vomit?

A piece of news said...

YES, Juice! Cut out the middle man!

Susan, scary teachers are motivating everywhere. What a way to do the job. Hmmmmm, very effective.

Ann, I keep forgetting about the salt!

Rose said...

you are wrong...#4 is gold....and I thank you for it.

I tell my husband I have been dealing in crap since the kids were babies...first them, then cats, plus a couple dogs, now 4 different cats and one of the dogs..and Lorelei. I have come full oldest daughter is going to be 30 this year. That is a long time to be shoveling that word I can't say on here. I bet I could make a post of that if I had the nerve.

ps..I hope this at least made you smile...

Rambling Woods said...

Pumpkin...really? Why do cats like to vomit on carpeting or bed linens. If I hear that sound and I run and grab a cat, he will stop vomiting when I put him on the tile floor and run to the carpet of couch and puke while moving to cover a larger area. How do they know to do that?....Michelle

Aunt Becky said...

I have the same sorts of fingernails! They're incredible and indestructible (mostly). I DO use them and really, they don't break until they're freakishly long.

Caron said...

Oh, indestructible fingernails! Roger THAT. That's mine, too. We are totally related, Aunt Becky!

Now that I am spending so much more time than before with my grandchildren, I really understand what you mean, Rose. Oh, golly! You are way ahead of me in experience, though. :)

Why do cats prefer bed linens and carpet? If I knew that answer to that I would be a millionaire. One cat always announces that he is going to vomit with lots of wailing. I have time to grab a newspaper or magazine or piece of junk mail and do my best to catch it. Did I ever blog about the time I tried to catch it in my hand to keep kitty #1 from barfing all over my laptop?