Isn't this exciting?
I could tell you about all the dumb things people do when they are looking for a job, but then that would be a little too close to work-related and someone (namely my employer) may someday discover that I am writing about trade secrets and fire me. Since I like my job, that would not make me happy.
I did see a resume this morning that was dripping with arrogance and it made me laugh. It was a technical resume, but let's pretend it was from a hamburger flipper and it went something like this:
I flip 100 hamburgers (if you consider ground-up squirrel meat a hamburger) per hour, 8 hours a day.
So not only arrogant, but insulting to his employer. Great resume technique. I checked our database and none of my co-workers had claimed him either. When four commission-based recruiters don't want to work with you? Well, that's really saying something. We all have our limits. I would work with a goat if it could write good code, contribute to the team and play well with others. But this guy?
That reminds me of a time in my first sales job when my boss took me on a call to one of her clients. We were standing around waiting for our appointment and she was making small talk with Mr. Muckety-Muck's personal secretary. They'd known each other quite awhile, I knew that. But the PS asked my boss about how she managed to squeeze a salesperson out of the corporate office and my boss shrugged and spat, "A salesperson! A monkey with a briefcase could do this job."
I lasted three years and won a sales award. Then I quit.
The next job I had was a great job for the first 2.5 years. Then they switched my territory. My new boss (sales manager) was a school teacher with no sales experience. None. How fun for all of us. It's a much longer story than this, but I'll cut to the bottom line. He wanted a voicemail from us at the end of EVERY DAY to find out what we'd done that day. We were in a seasonal business and it was June, which was out of our season. Here's how that went:
HIM: "I didn't get a voicemail from you yesterday."
ME: "No, you're right. You didn't"
HIM: "Well, what are you doing?"
ME: "Right now I am cleaning up my desk and getting things organized."
HIM: "Cleaning your desk? That's not what salespeople do. Why are you cleaning your desk?"
ME: "I think I'm going to quit"
ME? "How about now?"
It's the only time I quit without another job. I don't recommend it and there were other reasons why I quit that had to do with some family business.
When I was younger and hungrier and living in the
I rarely remember to put that on and if by some chance I do put it on, I never reapply it.
When I was 18 I had a boss who was a dirty old man. He kept telling me about the dreams he had about me! Almost every morning he started this routine. Then his wife fired me. When I went to the unemployment office, the lady asked me what happened when I got fired and there I was young, naive, nervous, embarrassed and worried. I just blurted it out and that woman looked at me and said, "Honey, you'll get unemployment benefits." And that was that.
Just this week, at the very last moment, I sent my current boss an email asking if I could take the rest of the day off. He wrote back: Fine.
I got nervous. All the women reading this understand. My stomach flipped over and I thought - Oh, maybe I should stay! Knowing my boss pretty well, I convinced myself after 15 minutes to leave the office, but I knocked on his door on my way out.
"You do know that 'fine' is a loaded word for a woman, so did you answer me like a man or like a woman?"
He laughed and spun around in his chair at the same time. He said, "Are you asking if I said 'yes' or if I said 'fine'?"
I told him I was asking. He laughed some more and said, "I said YES!"
So I went home and left the guilt behind. May he never respond that way again!
And now, my friends, I leave you with this final note: The snow has begun.